Ashley Wilda

Author

Page 2 of 25

siren

I don’t feel terrible

Not as terrible as I know

it can be

But I keep returning to my bed

legs slipping back under

pleasantly rumpled sheets

like my feet don’t know

a path that doesn’t

lead back to warm, soft

shadow, comfort

denial, a cocoon from which

I never emerge

I keep finding myself there only

minutes after I leave only

mildly surprised–oh

well, I guess here I am

again.

heart of hearts

it shattered into dust

and little jagged shards

that I somehow swept up

in the palm of my hand

and squeezed into a semblance

of a crooked, crumbling sphere.

it needed walls around it

hard, unyielding, a crust never

to be breached, just to hold

it together, to protect what’s left

of the most important parts of me.

no one can get in, nothing

can get out, impenetrable

inescapable, stubborn, unwilling

loyal, afraid. but of course

you are the exception. you

are always the exception.

Ghost

 

I’m always disappearing

Slipping out of rooms

Without saying goodbye

 

Ghost

 

Unanswered text messages

Calls with no return

MIA

Radio silence

 

Ghost

 

The person who was there

And then was gone

Too silently for anyone

To notice

Lullaby

I sing it to myself when I wander

too far into myself–the first

song on the lullaby album my

mother played when I

was born, so it’d be the first

sound I’d hear.

Sleep sound in Jesus, my

baby, my dear…

I clutch the notes to me like

a safety blanket,  worn smooth and

white, a whisper of a childhood

bedroom.

They’re keeping

watch, so there’s nothing to

fear…

The last song I sing

to you when I turn off

the light

May the Lord bless you and

keep you…

squeezing my eyes

shut first so I won’t see

May the Lord make his face shine

upon you…

the darkness smother me

hoping it reaches you and

And give you peace, and give

you peace…

you’ll know who it’s from.

And give you peace

forever…

episode

lost in my own head

can’t find you can’t find you

drink honey and mint

bathe my body in lavender

curl up with the remnants

sleep this haunting away

breath

I wish I could be with you

and not speak

I wish I didn’t need words

just breath

?

To look in my eyes

and see life–

I’ve never seen anything

more surprising

an exercise in self-love

I love the smell

of my own skin

 

sweat

and sun?

and maybe

just a little

dirt.

airport waiting

airports make me lonely

all the hellos and goodbyes

I may never have with you

but something about lifting off

the tarmac, wheels losing

contact

and finding the sky–

well, that never gets old

 

airports make me lonely

hellos and goodbyes

we may never have

oh, but the sky–

note from God

these things you believe,

I did not say them

about you.

 

this is true–

you are worthy of love

(for I made you).

you are not someone to be left behind

(for I want you).

your love is enough.

you are enough.

your love is powerful.

your love can enact change.

your love is not second-rate.

and neither are you.

 

remember.

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