Life–what do I want out of it.
In the end, what matters most. In the end, what will I regret missing. In the end, what will leave me satisfied. In the end, what will leave the mark I want, the legacy that shines in the dark. Me.
I wanna live fiercely, clutch at every moment, hold on with a literal death-grip, ’cause we’re all dying. I wanna jump out of planes and climb cliffs and punch hard and sing loud and loopy in the car at night on a mountain road. I wanna spin through meadows full of sunshine and multicolored pinpoints of waving wildflowers. I want my soul to fly fly fly on a warm summer breeze. I wanna wade deep in ice-cold lakes and laugh breathlessly as the blue blue waters lap on bare tanning skin. I want to let orange lizards crawl dry-sticky up and over my arms and laugh at flutting butterflies, pieces of sky, landing on my smelly shoes. I want to run in the rain, barefoot through the grass, she and I laughing at the sky while the thunder booms. I want to giggle at every crazy car ride and splash in every single puddle. I wanna live to the fullest and laugh the most, ’cause everyone needs a little life in our lives. We take it all too serious and need to take risks and let go and let be and just live and be alive, every nerve tingling, aware of each and every breath, like a gift. We were never meant to live like we’re dead, but instead live like we’re dying.
But more than that. Oh, more than that–
I wanna Love Well.
Yes, love well. Love BIG. Love free, love unafraid. I wanna love vulnerable, because it’s impossible to love without opening up your heart wide and being okay with getting hurt–and it’s gonna happen sometimes. But loving big means you get loved big back, and that’s the best feeling in the whole wide world, the greatest freedom, the greatest adventure of all. And when I’m lonely and sad and there’s a big ache where my heart’s supposed to be, I’ll remember–remember his big strong arms around me, making me feel like nothing in the world could touch me, could harm me, unless he let it, which he never will. Remember her perfect brown eyes, the way they smile at me, the way they say you’re my very bestest friend and nothing’s gonna change that. Or the way he laughs, silly and free, the way he’s always looking over at me, watching out for me, making sure I’m okay. The way she tells me that she’ll always be there and it’s gonna be all right. Friends. Family. Friends-Family. And I know I’m not alone, that I never was, and that I never will. When you love hard, it’s gonna hurt sometimes. You worry, you ache, you pray and plead. That place in your chest is gonna feel plain hollow with the magnitude of that love. But I’m gonna love recklessly anyway–’cause I’ll get loved recklessly back. I’m gonna open my arms wide and they’ll never be empty.
Because if we’re supposed to live like we’re dying, even more so we’re supposed to love like we’re living… like we’re gonna live forever.
Yeah–when I’m gone and dead and just a memory in people’s heads… that’s what I want them to remember.
My life-loving laugh, and the feel of my arms around them, never letting go.