I lit a candle for you.
Yeah, I walked up to the front in that church with the lights all dim and lit a candle for you–just for you.
A commitment to pray without ceasing.
You’re special you know. Or do you know? I don’t think you do.
You’re humble. Caring. Selfless. Responsible. Faithful. Inclusive. Loving. Wise. Thoughtful. Open-hearted.
You make me feel safe.
When you’re near, I feel that nothing bad can happen to me. I trust your decisions. I listen and hold on to what you say, even if you don’t know it. Whenever I’m scared, I want you there. Your hugs–well, it’s hard to describe. Only that you give the best bear hugs of anyone I’ve ever known. That I feel this deep, deep, real, strong, steady, unbounding happiness all inside me when you hold me tight. Like nothing bad can ever happen again. That the world is perfect, as long as you are close. I don’t ever want to let go, but always know I have to. And when we do, I’m always looking for the next one. They’re some of the best gifts I’ve ever been given. No–scratch that. Time with you is even better.
But the flip side–the flip side is, when you’re not here, I’ve got this big ache inside that won’t go away.
Hollow, like there’s something missing… and there is.
It’s especially bad after I’ve spent a long time with you. This last time… well, it was the worst of all. I smiled at memories of you, of your laugh, of the stupid things you said, and grew sad at the intensifying of missing that followed a second later.
Instead, I dreamed about you then. If someone were to ask me what I do when I miss someone, the answer would be threefold: think of them often, pray for them constantly and passionately, and dream about them. Yes, I literally dreamed about you.
Time has made it easier, as it always has–but then there are days that I think about you and daydream and wish.
‘Cause, you know what? You make me happy. You make me more than happy–a deeper happy. A complete, everything-is-going-to-be-all-right-and-already-is kind of happy. I would rather be nowhere else than with you. If you invited me to come see you right now, or do something this weekend, I would drop everything and go, if I could. And coming with this intense love is worry–just as it is with all true love. If you love someone, you can’t help want the very best for them. And it’s hard when you’re miles and miles and a few hours of airtime away and there’s nothing I can do but pray and strain forward with a longing ’til I see you again. And it’ll happen. I know.
Because your last text said, “See ya soon!”
And you never break your promises.
Love ya, bro.