Some days I feel like the luckiest girl alive. Especially now. Man, if you told me I could be this happy going to school in the city I’ve always known, I would have thought you were crazy! If you had told me that I would become so gloriously, nonsensically happy, that I would never want to leave, and that I wouldn’t want anything to change, and that I wish I could just stay where I was just as I was with the people that were, forever… I would have thought you were insane. I didn’t know it was possible to have an experience like this. I didn’t know it was possible to fall so lightning fast and so hit-the-dirt hard as I have for these wonderful hippie, dorky, best-friends folk. I am overwhelmed, each and every day, by the love I feel for these people and the utter, wild happiness that just engulfs me like a breaker wave on such a bizarrely regular basis. I am so happy. Like jump and shout and scream for joy happy. Like I can’t even explain, or even understand, just feel my body and soul and heart and mind thrill and laugh and spin and just burst with the ecstasy of life. I cry I’m so happy sometimes. What a strange thing, to cry because you are happy! I think it is because our human bodies don’t know how to handle such an overflow of positive emotion–often only sadness is so all encompassing. So we cry as an utmost expression of joy in a world that we didn’t know could be so bright. WHAT FREAKIN’ JOY!!! Hallelujah–and I mean that–praise the Lord! He has given me what I never thought I could have, and the possibility for so much more, deeper, different love than I ever have experienced with a community of people and even with individual persons. The horizon stretches out wonderfully pale blue and blissfully empty and free, all around me, like I’m standing on the top of some tall rock spire. And sometimes it’s scary, knowing all the directions and places I could go and the ways I could get there and how easy it would be for me to mess up and fall and lose it all–but then I feel Jesus’s arms holding me steady, and my friends hands steadying my feet and shoulders, and someone’s warm grip in mine. I hear laughter and I smell cinnamon coconut pancakes and feel the reassuring warmth of family. I feel as far from alone as I’ve ever felt, and more of a certainty of permanence than I’ve ever had. And so I dream of flying, instead of falling, and of a flock to guide me home.
