I never realized how illusive it was
until I didn’t have you.
sure, I had felt dark skies before
but no thunder like this
no wind which forbids me
to remain on my feet.
it howls quieter now
if only because time numbs
but not heals.
and still, it howls.
I think, you might be happy
it’s hard to tell from the outside
but I think, just maybe, you might be.
there’s nothing to tell me
any different.
why does that hurt so much?
why does something break inside
every time I think
you might not need me?
I do want you to be happy,
I do, I do.
I know I do.
but I’m not happy.
I am so freaking far from happy.
and this distance makes me feel
like you don’t care
and you’ve gotten used to being
happy without me,
when every day I cry because
you’re so far away.
maybe that’s not fair to you,
but this is also not fair to me.
I would do anything for you,
anything you needed.
I know you care,
but the only thing I need
is you.
but maybe the bottom line
is that when I see glimpses
of your smile, your laugh
something inside twists
and pangs
because it reminds me
of how absolutely wonderful
you are.