staying silent
keeping all the words
b
o
t
t
l
e
d
inside
corked tight
was supposed to keep
the hurt away–
from you, and everyone else.
me–I’m a bit
of a hopeless case,
whatever.
but the blank page, empty screen
was supposed to keep everything
contained
help me get good
at ignoring.
but perhaps that’s not
the most honest
truth–
I felt my words were worthless.
and my words are an extension of me.
and then I felt my words
were too powerful–
not powerful enough to convince, explain, reveal–
but powerful enough to hurt whom I love
most.
in the end–
I.
am just.
afraid.
afraid I am not enough.
afraid I am too much.
afraid you won’t read this.
afraid you’ll do nothing.
afraid I mean nothing.
and so I held my breath.
but in the end, I fear–
I want to breathe.
and so I must speak my existence into the world
even if you do not affirm it.
yes, it is for you I write–
but it is also
for me.