sometimes when I sleep I dream
of boys.
they never look the same but they always
want me.
I never want them back but always
want the unloneliness that comes
with arms that reach for me.
inevitably the moment arrives
when we get too close–
they try to kiss me
or ask me a question
or love me
and I have to say–I’m sorry.
my heart only has room for one boy.
I’ve already got a name
tucked inside.
I know there are many boys I could love
that could love me
perfectly good boys that I could
say yes to.
never fear, I am perfectly aware my dreams
are ridiculous.
no gaggle of boys would ever line up
to see me.
but the truth still remains–
the only thing between me and unloneliness
is myself.
and I will always
always
say no.