the look in your eyes
keeps me at arms reach.
I can’t read you anymore.
my body feels the impact of sight
disorienting lightness like all
my molecules evaporate leaving me
behind
but my heart is simply stunned
wanting too much, hurting too much
to feel anything at all.
you were always the one
good at shutting out
pushing away
deciding it’s over.
I was always the one
pressing in closer for better or worse
the one who followed
you around the month we weren’t
talking just to see you every day.
I learned things from you that you never
wanted me to learn.
now I shut out.
shut down.
shut up.
I never write you off but have a
whole list of other nevers that keeps
growing by the day.
you are everything and that makes everything else
mean nothing
makes me want to believe there is
nothing behind the universe and yet I
can’t even though it almost
kills me
and I can do nothing
and the nothing in your eyes makes me feel like
nothing too
like maybe I mean
nothing to you
and I wish I could just
become nothing
because that would be easier
than this.