whenever I left you after talking into the night

I balanced the curb of the sidewalk on bare feet

arms out

toes pointed

suspended between my side of the street and yours.

it paralleled the way my life felt like a tightrope walk

one one side my faith

and on the other side, you

and I tottered in between, wanting so badly

to fall straight into your arms

and help you believe too.

even after silence began its reign

I still have been walking that cold, rough line

on one side loving you

on the other side living my life

and hating every step

made harder by wondering

do you still love me?

does God still love me?

do I still love myself?

just a little girl in the dark wanting to be held.

now I’m wondering if I remember

that God loves you as much as He loves me

intimately

and will be faithful to love you

and give you every opportunity

every day

to see him as close and real

and undeniable

then perhaps I can stop being so scared.

perhaps I can just remember that you cared

and might still.

perhaps I can believe that God

loves me wholly.

loves the way I love.

lets me choose to love.

never forces but asks.

and is proud of me.

somehow, impossibly

proud of me.

maybe I’ll come to hate myself less.

hate life less.

maybe I can walk this line without

skinning my knees and stumbling blind.

maybe one day this line will be obliterated forever

you’ll take my hand again

take the risk of a yes

and I won’t have to choose.