I wonder what it would be like
if people knew me
as I was
without cynicism
self-depreciating humor
triggers like the bite of unwanted insects
the blanket of dark that suffocates me
with its constant closeness
I wonder what it would be like
to be me
unhindered
by me
there are moments I can feel
the memory tugging at me
when I’m reading about the love
of a girl and a boy
the quiet, swift, tender touches between them
or when I fall to pieces in my car in the night
but the girl I used to be is oh so
meek
unwilling to come out
for the pain of it
little do you know she holds herself captive
carried with you
trapped next to the warm beat
of your heart