I’ve gotten so used
to doing things alone
I’d rather continue
to do them alone
eat and wash and
work and make
walk and sleep and
cry and pray.
I’m tired of being with others
always wishing they were you
easier to be alone than keep
my armor up, make sure they can’t
come too close, arm’s length
double is better
easier to live alone without
others’ emotions messing with mine
touching the tender places
bumping up against walls
they don’t even know are there
that I won’t take down.
You say don’t wait
But I can’t in the ways
You want me to.
I want a brighter life
I will reach, I am
reaching for it
There are glimmers
I am relearning to savor
things that are sweet.
But there are limits–
I’d rather be alone than with
someone who isn’t you.