I was so certain I’d find the same answers
yet didn’t want to.
so I looked and looked
and questioned and cried
and ached and slept
and waited and prayed
and talked and thought.
And I came to the conclusion
that I was both right and wrong.
There may not be a rule
against being with an unbeliever.
There is an incredible burden
a disconnection
we could never shake.
But I always knew that.
And I’ve always been willing
to bear it.
For you, I would have done
anything.
The struggle for answers was messy
and tangled and bloody and I communicated
all wrong and untimely but I–
I tried.
And I had to reach out
and tell you–
I’d changed my mind.