I was so certain I’d find the same answers

yet didn’t want to.

so I looked and looked

and questioned and cried

and ached and slept

and waited and prayed

and talked and thought.

And I came to the conclusion

that I was both right and wrong.

There may not be a rule

against being with an unbeliever.

There is an incredible burden

a disconnection

we could never shake.

But I always knew that.

And I’ve always been willing

to bear it.

For you, I would have done

anything.

The struggle for answers was messy

and tangled and bloody and I communicated

all wrong and untimely but I–

I tried.

And I had to reach out

and tell you–

I’d changed my mind.