I know I said
I’d never move on
and believed it.
I could have held to that
I still believe it was
my right
if I wanted it.
Can you blame me
for wanting to be sure?
I called it an experiment
letting him in
but in reality I never would
have let him close
if he wasn’t special
if there wasn’t a chance
I could love him back
the way I think he loves me.
So here we are.
I’ve said the words
to someone else
and I mean them.
I miss you. But I gave
you ten million chances
and you didn’t hold on
to one.
I told him there was only
half a chance
I could ever love him back.
And he took it.
And he held on.
So, so gently
but he wasn’t going anywhere
not unless I wanted him to.
And I love him for all that he is
Just like I loved you for all that you are
and our universe just never came.
And I’m coming to realize–
that it was never
my fault.
When you love someone
you fight
you don’t
let go.
If you’re loved back
they will fight for you
an equal force, raging together
against the dark, urging one another
onward and higher.
The truth is you only fought
halfway
and then stopped altogether.
And I–
I deserve better
than that.