the purpose of me continues
to shapeshift and I’m still finding my
footing in this weird dance, after he
spun me around so
severely, toes tripping
over themselves, bruised.
my purpose once was leaning into him
walking beside, cheering,
loving as he
struggled
home to himself
but when he pushed me away I
found I’d lost
myself too.
my purpose then became keeping
air in my lungs, not losing
the will to keep on
keep on
keep on drawing the breath in
even as it scraped my throat raw
blood protesting.
and then, there were soft
paws and eyes looking up
adoringly, believing I would
stay as an undeniable reality and my
universe revolved around wet nose and
kisses when I came home and
a wild heart which wouldn’t understand if
one day I just didn’t show–
and a little purpose returned like a
kite reeled in by string
back to the unsteady hands of a child–
to protect her.
and then, you came along.
green eyes and gentle palms and
not forbidden lips I could kiss and you never
drew back, pressing closer
closer, closer
until I could feel my own heartbeat again
pressed against you.
and a little more of the
purpose of me returned
like sand trickling into an hourglass–
to love you.
and now, ring on my finger
pup at my side
I wonder where this purpose
will lead me next, what part of me
will be returned
or uncovered,
perhaps next I will learn
to have a purpose
just
and only
for me.
– 2/18