an illusive firefly thing
only holding still
a moment
before fluttering off
on frenetic wings
desired
by all
yet by some
feared
for its power
to make forget
and let go
i am uneasy
in its presence
yet longing
when it leaves
They Were Us
The sun has disappeared,
Swallowed by the mountains’
Shadow blue,
Clouds backlit,
Suspended in pale orange.
The car hums behind constant noise,
Road tunes blaring,
Singing in the front seat.
Next to me
She folds onto a pillow
And leans into him.
His arm rests on her back
His fingers running down her arm,
Caressing, whispering over her hair.
She naps, giggles spent,
And all his attention is on
Her motionlessness.
The moon shines bright
In a deep sky.
The soft armful of glassy-eyed gorilla
Doesn’t fill the ache
In my center.
Everything inside
Is like a sea
Of wet
And broken
Glass.
distance
so close and yet
so far
we sleep across
the street.
the short distance
feels
much larger
when i remember
you next
to me.
but oh so terribly
soon
the distance
will grow
to miles.
it’s hard to imagine
you feeling
further
away
than this.
but it is coming.
just don’t let
your heart
put any more
distance
between yours
and mine.
ink • heart
my heart bleeds
all over these pages
through my fingers
and pooling in ink
scribbling out
the same old words
in black poisoned blood
over and over
taking slightly different
twisted shapes
every time
i wish i could write
about something else
not because
i want to stop writing
about you
but because
i’m tired of using
my blood
as ink
just listen
a secondhand message
from you
to me
like someone telling me
i can breathe
and i remember
you haven’t
really
left me
no matter how much
i’m bleeding
on the inside
what a relief
it is
to look at
my doubts
and say
this isn’t true
my happy tree
i hope you grow strong
and free
with or without me
i want you to laugh often
and long
stretch supple branches
to a blue and breezy sky
i hope you live in a grove
of other happy trees
in a forest peaceful
deep
and green
i want fresh, cool water
to reach your roots
and rich, warm dirt
to help your trunk stand firm
i can’t help but want
to grow there too
reaching for the stars
alongside you
passing quiet chatter
and caressing words
through sun-dappled afternoons
and vibrant dawns
yet i’ll love you long
praying for a string
of happy tomorrows
no matter how far
you are
Seeker
i guess we two, you and i,
are both seekers
in a way,
both peering
into the invisible,
looking for answers.
but the answer i seek
is that you’d find
your own answer,
that the invisible
would become less mysterious,
solid and real to you
as it has been
for me.
you are my answer.
an answer i do not know
if i will ever receive.
the difference between our quests
is this–
if you seek truly,
you are promised to find.
if i plead with everything
i have
i am promised
no such thing,
gifted certain goodness
but not precisely
what my heart desires.
but i keep praying
that you keep seeking,
wishing i had some way
of knowing
you haven’t given up.
hold on to your promise, seeker,
and i’ll hold on
to mine–
that He hears my heart’s cry
and will make himself known
to those who seek
with all their hearts.
the boy across the street
You live across the street from me,
The boy across the road,
On warm starry nights my feet
Want to carry me across concrete
And to your door,
On empty sunny days my hands
Want to pick dandelions and hold you
As close as I can,
On moonlit midnights my eyes
Want to watch the stars with you
Trembling and near,
On quiet mornings my ears
Want to hear your laugh and know
That I made it sound,
On lonely evenings my nose
Wants to smell that scent that’s uniquely you
And tell you, you smell like yourself,
On hollow afternoons my skin
Wants to feel you tickle me and rub circles
On my arm with your thumb.
You live across the street from me,
The boy across the road,
You hold my heart in your hands
No matter how far
You truly are.
And I can’t, I won’t forget you,
No matter how much the memory hurts,
To me you are tears and smiles
And home
And every hope and sorrow
In the world.
Compromise
how silly we are
how silly we two
we can’t bear
this gap
for long
if I cannot touch you
it’s like I cannot
be myself
and for you
it is the same
and so we meet
in the middle
and it’s so much easier
to breathe
despite knowing we can only
go so far
but it’s easier to stand
toes to the line
than look from far off
at you
on the other
side
Balance Me
We ditched our shoes at the edge of the forest
Grass crunching and rustling softly beneath our toes
The wind caressed warm and sweet
And the stars shone bright and proud over the low undulating hills
We tumbled down the slopes, laughing hysterically
And twirled and spun like youth drunk on moonlight
Or love
And tickled each other into quiet piles of wonder and heavy breathing
We stared in happy awe at the silver-punctuated blue-black sky
And hid huddled close from the man with the flashlight
Close and thrillingly wild, nervous in the dark
We leaped onto the bridge, warm and wooden warped
The creek rushing low and far below
And tentatively stepped onto the rails
Considering
Then reaching out a hand, certain
That neither could walk this path alone
Nor would ever want to.