it’s weird to have people I can play with
people that pick me up and spin me around
when I finally catch a goal in frisbee
who train with me and compare biceps
and make silly faces
who play jokes and drink my red bull without apology
who meditate in the grass
and cuddle puddle in the growing dark
and stay late when they should be somewhere else
who play fight and throw me to the mat
and make me laugh
make me reach out with hands
that have momentarily forgotten
they don’t want to be touched.
I try to tell myself it’s only temporary
don’t get attached
one moment and this could all disappear…
and I’ll be worse than alone again.
but when she has a panic attack and we hold her
when she says I have depression and all he says is
me too
when we don’t want to go home and so stay
even after it gets dark
and I hear myself laugh even with all my heaviness
I want to believe that maybe
maybe
I can have this for just a little longer
maybe I can keep my door open
just a tiny crack.