during worship I always
lean into the side of the big door-less
entryway into the living room
thick white paint on wood
cool and a little sticky against my skin
I feel like the closer I am to it the safer
I will be don’t ask me from what it doesn’t
matter the point is I’ll feel safer.
the truth is sometimes I’m too tired to
stand unaided on my own two
feet my limbs too heavy my heartbeat
too slow, but as I sing of God’s love and
attention I try to let the words fill me buoy
me up and I lean away
and lean back
balancing palms open
on my own two feet for a few
moments trying to call back the
feeling of being strong and sure.
I am like a child balancing with her
hands on her father’s legs and letting
go for a second just to see that she
can do it on her own and then
retreating back where she can
hide beneath him where it’s
not so scary.
no one ever tells you
when you are born
that in life you will need
to learn how to
crawl
stand
walk
more than
once.