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To look in my eyes

and see life–

I’ve never seen anything

more surprising

I love the smell

of my own skin

 

sweat

and sun?

and maybe

just a little

dirt.

airports make me lonely

all the hellos and goodbyes

I may never have with you

but something about lifting off

the tarmac, wheels losing

contact

and finding the sky–

well, that never gets old

 

airports make me lonely

hellos and goodbyes

we may never have

oh, but the sky–

these things you believe,

I did not say them

about you.

 

this is true–

you are worthy of love

(for I made you).

you are not someone to be left behind

(for I want you).

your love is enough.

you are enough.

your love is powerful.

your love can enact change.

your love is not second-rate.

and neither are you.

 

remember.

oh to feel

clear-eyed

mind-light

sure-arms

steady-feet

heart-in-flight.

There are rivers where there should not be rivers

All is not as it seems

When it feels time to move on

stay a little longer

When it feels like you’ve rested enough

rest a little deeper

When it feels like the path has ended

go a little further

We want to do more than survive this flood

I hate spring

my favorite season

new buds the liveliest color

eager but shy

peeking out from tree tips

we roamed the night world then

discovering you

discovering me

and back again

I fell in love in the spring

I can’t bear the wind now

traces of warmth

green awakening

bittersweet kiss

The moon speaks–

don’t let anyone tell you any different.

It listens when I say, ‘I love you’

and shines the message down to wherever

you may be

in hopes that you’ll answer.

I don’t know what you think of

when it snows

but as the cold fluff floats down

beyond my window

I am living in two Januaries past

moments frozen in time

like icicles hanging from bare branches.

I remember pizza frozen on the picnic table

beet and brussel-sprout soup in a stranger’s cabin

we could only reach by bounding through the drifts like bunnies

cold nutella smeared on bread.

I remember wet rock and a slick ride in the dark

peeing on the side of the road and laughing

at the headlights

your bare back as we lay by the fire

and slipped gratefully into the dark

behind our closed eyelids.

I remember the hush of the forest

all green and white and black bark

unbroken ground

the very air crystal

mist hovering in the gorge

forest and river more sacred than any church

I have ever seen.

I remember coming home to fires

and tea in the mornings

and how happy I was when you knew

just where to find it in my pantry

all by yourself.

I remember walloping each other with snowballs

slipping down the hill on a sled stacked three long

betting on who’d swim in the lake

teaming up to tackle you into the snow

the satisfaction of catching up to you

of hearing your laugh

in the empty neighborhood streets.

I wonder what you’re doing now

I bet you’re stealing trays from dhall

and sliding down library hill

there’s a snowball fight on the green

and maybe even frisbee with the crew

you’re still the fastest of them all

and nobody minds.

I’m still here

watching the snow fall

with a small sad smile

wishing I was with you.

I named the Christmas tree Thomas

I can barely look at him

it’s not his fault, you know

Christmas and I just have a few issues

a few holes that faerie lights can’t fill

but I named him Thomas all the same

for the boy who saw the scars

and believed in love