7/2
not the day I
would have chosen,
but when it was happening
I felt nothing
but joy.
and in the end maybe
it’s a good thing
this part of my life coming
full circle
the best and worst day
of the year
when I hoped beyond
hope he’d
reach out
feel loved by me, maybe
show a little back.
the barest crumbs
were my banquet
and I accepted them with
everything
I had–and then
readied myself again
to wait
365 days
until next year.
I told myself it was
worth it. just to get
a tiny piece of him.
and now, on the second
year I kept to myself
no acknowledgement except
the lingering sorrow
in my heart–
there was you.
you.
you kneeling before me
offering me
everything
everything
everything
365 days a year
24/7
no more waiting for
crumbs just to
pretend to be satisfied.
with you, the banquet
is real, and I don’t have
to claw, fight my way
to your attention or sit
in my corner of the world
hoping you’ll come
visit me.
no, you kneel and offer
your heart, your mind
your body, your time
your emotions
your love, your grief
your sacrifice
your all
for me
for me
for me.
on this one day
of the year when I
took little and felt it
the world
I’m given everything
offered freely
and I’m ready
to offer in return
knowing the truth of it–
no more crumbs
not for me.
– 7/5/21