I wonder why you like Julien Baker.
At first I thought, the way
she sings–
but no.
Because we listen ’cause we’re drawn
to the heartbreak in her voice
finally, someone who
understands
even if we can’t admit it to ourselves
even as we cry tears
of relief.
So why
you?
What are you drawn to,
in her words?
Always so happy,
bouncy,
compartmentalized
even when life isn’t
perfect.
What is it in you that
draws you, magnetizing
to her words
a homing beacon, a haven?
Maybe I’ve got it all wrong.
Maybe it’s just
the music.
But how is it possible to not
bleed at the sound
of a heart breaking,
how can you not
have a wound of your own?
I know you do
half-processed, half-buried
under childhood years and
moving on
and yet–sometimes I see the boy
and then the teen in your eyes, your
hands, as you grip me close–
before you put it all away
like nothing happened
and are you, full of light again,
where those words can’t reach,
crooning, into the dark of you
that corner we all have.
But whether or not you show it
or even know it, yourself
whether or not your tongue can
admit it, or even if
the confession trips
off your teeth–
know, that as we listen. sing
along together.
my heart knows yours
masks and all.
– 1/27/22