three years and counting

three years,

and I still feel lonely when spring

stretches green in the winds

when the buds start to reach

for the warming sky.

three years,

and I still dream about you

and still wake up wanting

and wishing.

three years, and you’d think

I’d be over it–

at least, that’s what

everyone else says.

no wonder I keep myself,

well, to myself.

three years, and some things

are better, and some things

never change.

I still feel like I made

the only decision.

I still hate myself for it.

I never meant to cause

such silence.

three years, and I still believe

we would be better

together

than any version

of apart.

three years, and I am thankful

for the days that remind me

there is still light on the mountaintops

there is a warm dog to snuggle me

when the night is too dark

but I’m still keenly aware

each moment would be better

with you in it.

three years, and I still believe

the question is never

would you find faith–

no, that’s a promise, to whoever

doesn’t give up. a promise

that still stands. the question

was always, would you

keep looking.

I don’t blame you for not

believing me, even as

I wish you would.

three years and I want

you to know– I tried to stop

believing

just like you tried to believe.

I couldn’t.

you can’t unknow the truth

can’t unsee the sun

just like I

can’t unlove

you.

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