three years,
and I still feel lonely when spring
stretches green in the winds
when the buds start to reach
for the warming sky.
three years,
and I still dream about you
and still wake up wanting
and wishing.
three years, and you’d think
I’d be over it–
at least, that’s what
everyone else says.
no wonder I keep myself,
well, to myself.
three years, and some things
are better, and some things
never change.
I still feel like I made
the only decision.
I still hate myself for it.
I never meant to cause
such silence.
three years, and I still believe
we would be better
together
than any version
of apart.
three years, and I am thankful
for the days that remind me
there is still light on the mountaintops
there is a warm dog to snuggle me
when the night is too dark
but I’m still keenly aware
each moment would be better
with you in it.
three years, and I still believe
the question is never
would you find faith–
no, that’s a promise, to whoever
doesn’t give up. a promise
that still stands. the question
was always, would you
keep looking.
I don’t blame you for not
believing me, even as
I wish you would.
three years and I want
you to know– I tried to stop
believing
just like you tried to believe.
I couldn’t.
you can’t unknow the truth
can’t unsee the sun
just like I
can’t unlove
you.